The trauma we experience as children is not our fault, but as adults it is our responsibility to heal so that we show up more authentically for ourselves and the people in our lives.
Text & illustration by Zefferin LLamas
Childhood trauma affects how we develop behaviors
No one escapes childhood without some trauma. As children, we adapt to our environments and develop our long-term behaviors accordingly. Often, these behaviors, which were adaptive in childhood, are no longer adaptive in adulthood, and can even limit us.
Trauma can be healed and behaviors can change for the better
Luckily, despite childhood trauma and inherited generational trauma, we can cultivate resilience & positive mental health practices as adults that will help us end negative patterns and show up more authentically & responsibly in our lives.
This process can look like:
- Recognizing the roots of our trauma
- Developing a sense of awareness around how we respond to stress
- Cultivating positive ways to cope & heal
- Seeking help when we need it
In this article, we will take a closer look at this process. Let’s start with taking a closer look at childhood itself.
LGBTQ+ childhood is uniquely challenging: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
LGBTQ+ people suffer Adverse Childhood Experiences (also known as ACEs) at higher rates than straight people due to anti-queer sentiment that can be felt and heard at all levels of society, often beginning in the home, at school, or in religious contexts. Common examples of early trauma include:
- Abuse: Children who display gender non-conforming behavior tend to be chastised, reprimanded, and even become the targets of abuse. Social norms of a heterosexist society are complicit in this kind of mistreatment of young queer people.
- Inadequate Healthcare: The healthcare system currently lacks a general capacity for LGBTQ+ affirming care, affecting queer people from a young age.
- Rejection/Neglect: LGBTQ+ youth are significantly overrepresented among homeless youth, due in large part to rejection from family.
- Religious Trauma: This happens when a family values discriminatory religious dogma over the wellbeing of their queer child, and/or anti-queer messaging coming out of the religious institution with which the family affiliates cause a queer child to feel like who they are is fundamentally a problem.
- Bullying: This can be experienced at school and/or in the home. Often, a queer child’s first bully is a family member.
- Isolation: Rejection, abuse, and bullying can lead a young person to isolate due to the ensuing development of a negative self-image and/or for fear of further abuse.
- Chronic Stress: Constantly anticipating danger creates a demand on the brain’s regulatory system that can be damaging over time.
- Minority Stress: The long-term stress of dealing with stigma & prejudice experienced by minority groups in society.
How trauma affects us
As human beings, connecting with others and developing relationships within which we feel safe is key to our mental health. As children, if a parent or caregiver abuses you emotionally or physically, you may think, “I’m an awful person. I must be, otherwise why would anyone treat me like this?”
Chronic childhood trauma means that, even as adults, we will continue to organize the world in our minds as if the trauma were still going on. This disrupts the development of positive mental health like being able to connect with others, developing a positive sense of self, and being able to regulate stressful emotions.
Stress responses
Recognizing our own trauma and the patterns that develop as a result is the first step toward cultivating positive mental health. So, let’s look at some common ways that a person responds to conflict with others who they might see as dangerous or a threat due to their past trauma:
Fight: Facing any perceived threat aggressively.
Flight: Running away from danger.
Freeze: Unable to move or act against a threat.
Fawn: Immediately attempting to please an aggressor to avoid conflict.
Do you notice any of these responses in yourself? Read more about stress responses on WebMD.
The trauma we experience as children is not our fault, but as adults, it is our responsibility to heal.
Our lives are constantly changing, and we are always adapting to new circumstances. Once we start to recognize the roots of our trauma, we can slowly make positive changes that help us to heal and adapt to the stressors of life.
Progress is not linear; it will involve ups and downs, setbacks, and breakthroughs. Once a person decides to begin the journey of healing from their past, there are many approaches that have proved useful.
These approaches can be organized in two broad categories: top down and bottom-up.
Top-down approaches
A top-down approach refers to healing the rational, cognitive brain; the part of our brain that helps us to understand the world around us, to reach our goals, manage time, and so on.
Top-down approaches to mental health will include things like:
- talk-therapy
- cognitive behavioral therapy
- mindfulness exercises.
Bottom-up approaches
A bottom-up approach refers to healing the emotional side of the brain, as well as the way the body reacts to and stores stress. Bottom-up approaches to mental health will include soothing and regulating the body’s response to stress, and can look like:
- developing a meditation practice
- a movement routine
- grounding exercises
Grounding
Being “grounded” involves a coming together of the outer and inner world, and means that you can sense your body, perceive the subtleties of your environment, and recognize what is going on around you and within you.
Resources
A combination of both top-down and bottom-up approaches to mental health will yield the best results. Remember, cultivating positive mental health is a process and a practice. No one is perfect and we all deal with the struggles of life. Many of life’s challenges are out of our control. But there are some things that we can control to make the challenges of life less severe, like learning to manage stress, developing healthy behaviors, and surrounding ourselves with loved ones. Below are some resources that can help us move toward that end.
CA LGBTQ Health & Human Services Network
A program under Health Access CA providing excellent resources & services to queer people.
Unity Hope’s crisis counselors are LGBTQ+ affirming, racially diverse, and live throughout SoCal.
Call the CalHope Warmline at
(833) 317-HOPE (4673) and ask to speak to a counselor from your community.
Free online service that helps users find healthcare easily depending on their insurance and individual needs.
RPYA’s list of LGBTQ+ affirming counseling services in SoCal
Find an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist at The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.